Three Things Women Don't Know About Men

When dealing with relationships, women are very thoughtful. By thoughtful, meaning full of thoughts and ideas. In other words, women use their brains to "think through" their intimate encounters. Studies show that a greater percentage of women will leave a relationship if they feel that their significant other does not love them anymore. However, a greater percentage of men will leave a relationship if they fall in love with someone else.

This is a big difference in the way each gender thinks about relationships. Women are more considerate and thoughtful--using their minds, while men are more impulsive and raw--using their hearts (also referred to as genitals). Not to say that either way is more correct than the other, just to say that the first step to increased harmony is the realization of this fact.

Here are three facts about men that may come as a surprise to most women.

1 - Men Only Need Minimal Details

Many women like to explain every fact, figure, and manipulation for every subject, no matter how relevant/irrelevant. In addition to this, women prefer to listen to dialogue in this manner. This presents a problem because men rarely converse in this manner, barring excitement. But women usually speak this way, regardless of mood. This leads to frustration on both sides. As a general rule, when speaking to men, listen for their questions, then expound (minimally) on that topic. If they want to know more, they will ask another question. If the man does not ask any questions, he may not be interested in what you are talking about, and it may be a better idea to ask him a question instead. This gives him a chance to introduce what's on his mind. Be aware that the way in which women ask questions can also irritate a man.

TIP: Do not ask a man "What if...?" instead ask "Do you think...?" It may be subtle, but what if? questions can be interpreted as pointless questions that may never occur, whereas do you think? questions force you to consider the question as though it would happen in the future. Men respond better to questions of this sort. However, women prefer to entertain what if? thoughts over do you think? questions. This is a slight, but pivotal difference between men and women.

2 - The More A Woman Trusts A Man, The More She Will Be On His Mind

This mostly applies to when men spend alone time with "the fellas" or even in solitude. Men like women who are caring, but can also bear inattention. If you get upset over too much inattention, it shows the man that you care about him, and this is a good argument to have. But if you get upset over one or two nights out with the guys, he will interpret that as jealousy and/or neediness, which are two unattractive qualities to men. Instead, encourage the man to spend time with his friends, an indication of the trust you have for him. On top of this, spend some alone time with your friends while waiting for his return. If the man gets upset at you spending time with your friends, it would show his lack of trust for you, something that should be addressed and worked on over time.

TIP: After his night out, do not ask "What did you guys do...?" or any other form of the question, instead ask "How was it...?" and allow the man to respond from impulse. Be cautious of trying to probe beyond the answer he gives, especially if he gives a short and simple response. If you can show him that you weren't up all night worrying about what he was doing (even if you were), it further demonstrates the trust you have for him. In turn, he may surprise you by going into more detail in the future, even during the same conversation.

3 - Men Slowly Change Their Minds Over Time

Many men will not admit this last one, even when it occurs. The reason is because we are very impulsive. We do not assess our feelings on a daily basis. We may feel a certain way one week/month/year, but may feel completely different later on. The change could be faster or slower, depending on the person/issue. However, most of this change will be internal. Meaning that it will be nearly impossible to notice on the surface. If you want to change a man's mind on an issue, you cannot constantly remind him of the issue because it gives inadequate time for the internal results to take place. Instead, bring up the issue once, and if there is no resolve, simply agree that you guys are having a disagreement. Then let it rest for awhile (6-12 months suggested), then present the issue again as if it never came up. Surprisingly, he may hold a softer position than he did previously. However, I would strongly advise not trying this for every disagreement that arises.

TIP: Men are quicker to forgive and forget an argument than women. Women tend to hold on longer. While the perception of arguing may seem negative, remember that some arguments are necessary for healthy relationships. Yet, many women cause arguments to increase in intensity when they consistently remind the man of the issue, rather than allowing him to forgive and forget.

The best advice: Do not try and "win" a man's heart. Men will slowly open up over time. But the more you try to impress, convince, or change him (using your thoughtfulness and consideration), the more his impulses (and genitals) will be compromised. Try just one of the tips above, and see if you notice a difference.

Matthew 18 Community - A Primer on Relationships

Introduction

Aahhhhh, relationships...you can't live with 'em and you can't live without 'em!

We are relational beings and every role that we fulfill, whether at home, work, school, church or society is vitally connected to other people. (Isn't that the pits?) But seriously, doesn't the quality of your life depend completely on the quality of the relationships that you cultivate every day? If we are off in even one of the above spheres (let alone a few of them), then we are left to trudge through our daily existence without much joy, depth or satisfaction.

A neglected investment

It is interesting to note that we can spend time and money to improve virtually every aspect of our life. Whether it is a gym membership, a pair of new glasses, a nicer car, our kids' piano lessons, a new wardrobe, dinner and a movie, or what have you. We are often even willing to sacrifice to procure these things.

And yet, in this area of relationships, the part of our being that is so crucial and so central to our existence, we find it easy to skimp, and we don't invest the time (or the money) that these personal connections deserve. A lot of times, we let them run on auto-pilot, and little grievances with our spouse, partner, parent or co-worker seem to grow into these walls of indifference, or bitterness, or resentment that simply rob us of so much valuable energy and fulfillment.

Matthew 18 Community

I coined the phrase Matthew 18 Community as a way to describe a core set of relational principles found in the 18th chapter of Matthew's gospel. It is my desire that these ideals would be embodied in every one of the critical spheres of our lives that touch other people. Thus, if you put these principles into practice, you automatically become part of the Matthew 18 Community.

If you want, you can go and read the chapter now to get a sense for the ideas. Over the next several weeks we'll be diving into many great topics including:

- How humility can transform your relationships

- Are you a relational stumbling block?

- The nature of conflict

- Confronting conflict head-on

- Reconciliation in relationships

- The power of forgiveness to heal you

And much more! I do hope you can make a commitment to become an integral part of the Matthew 18 Community. Look for more updates in the coming weeks!

Til next week...

Our next post will be on a very misunderstood topic, "Humility" and on how it can absolutely transform all of your relationships.

I look forward to speaking with you again soon!

Six Secret Ways to Protect Pets From Fleas And Ticks Without Chemicals

It's all so gross! Fleas, ticks, mosquitoes and bed bugs prey on us and our pets, feasting on our blood, injecting us with germs and potentially deadly pathogens, excreting poop in our hair, on our skin and in our homes.

This is completely unacceptable!

But to many of us, the toxic chemicals in many flea and tick treatments are also unacceptable. Have you read the warnings on those labels lately?

The good news is that there are plenty of safe, natural treatments for fleas and ticks so we don't have to rely on chemicals.

If you're like me and you'd prefer a much safer, natural way to protect our pets and our families from fleas, ticks, mosquitoes, flies and other pests, here are my six secret natural weapons in the war against these pests. Most or all of them are completely safe, drug and chemical free, pleasant, natural and affordable:

1. Secret treatment Number One: Garlic. In addition to its many other valuable health benefits as an anti-fungal and antibiotic, garlic makes your pet's blood completely unattractive to pests like fleas, ticks and mosquitoes that would otherwise make a meal of your pet's blood. Easy-to-give garlic supplements are available and with a pet's advice you can also give your pet raw garlic. (Don't try raw garlic without instructions from your veterinarian.)

2. Secret treatment Number Two: Neem Spray. Neem spray is made of natural neem and citronella. It can be sprayed directly on your pet (follow instructions) to repel and kill fleas, ticks and larvae.

3. Secret treatment Number Three: Neem Shampoo. Again, made of valuable Neem from the near east, this shampoo works synergistically with Neem spray to kill and repel fleas and ticks effectively and naturally without side effects.

4. Secret treatmentt Number Four: Herbal sprays. Certain compounds such as cedar oil, geranium oil, rosemary and clove oils repel fleas, ticks and flies. Natural, herbal sprays contain these helpful ingredients and smell great to humans but repel fleas, ticks and flies. They can be sprayed directly on pet (watch out for eyes) and on their bedding.

5. Secret treatment Number Five: Diatomaceous Earth. A powerful secret weapon in your fight against fleas, ticks, bed bugs and other insects, diatomaceous earth, which is a white powder made of fossils, cuts into insects and kills them. Around people and pets, be sure you only use food grade diatomaceous earth which does not contain more than 1% crystalline silica and can be used as directed on pets skin and coat, bedding, rugs and other places where fleas and ticks can come into contact with it and die.

6. Secret treatment Number Six: Homeopathic remedies. Homeopathic remedies treat many conditions ranging from pet anxiety to skin problems. Specific remedies can help protect pets from fleas and ticks and their affects on skin, without side effects or chemicals. Just squirt in your pet's mouth as directed.

If you're afraid of the labels on some flea and tick products and reluctant to bring those controversial chemicals into your home and on your pets, join me in using all natural treatments to protect our beloved pets from fleas and ticks naturally.